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The film was originally written to be a "straight-to-video" in three episode length segments. The three segments, each written by different people, are titled Stewie B. Goode, Bango Was His Name, Oh!, and Stu and Stewie's Excellent Adventure. These three episodes were aired as the three-part season four finale.

FOX aired the shortened and separated versions of the three segments on May 21, 2006. It also had several scenes cut out, new scenes put in, and other scenes altered to make it only 66 minutes long.

The straight-to-DVD version shows the premiere of the film where celebrities such as Drew Barrymore dates the Kool-Aid Man, the Greased-Up Deaf Guy, the Evil Monkey, David Bowie, and the Griffins. Everyone goes into the theatre where Channel 5 reveals they have hired Glenn Quagmire to provide them with a bootleg copy of the film, we then see an advertisement for a new Disney movie, "The Littlest Bunny", and another film, "People Who Look Like They Never Sleep..." starring Susan Sarandon and Vince Vaughn. After this, the film begins.

When the Griffins go swimming in the Quahog Community Pool, Peter tries teaching Stewie to swim and attempts to toss him into the pool despite Stewie begging to be put down. Lois takes Stewie to swimming lessons where Stewie meets Brad, a child about his age who is "The Star Swimmer" after that they swim and stewie drowns all because he sees a band aid that fell off a kid's leg stewie screams like a fat chick and swims to the surface where he learns he did not win and voldemort did, and in jealousy does everything he can to steal Brad's glory. As a last resort he tries to kill Brad by rigging a lifeguard chair with dynamite and luring Brad beneath it with marzipan; however, Stewie's detonator malfunctions, blowing up the legs of chair causing it to fall on Stewie. He ends up in hell where Steve Allen seems to try and rape him (but only needs help with his shirt collar); when Stewie is revived by Lois, he believes it is a sign for him to be a good boy. after that a big fat ugly duck name bruce attacks stewie and then runs away, after that stewie is on the hunt for the giant duck who is purple.

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After learning the new video store - Lackluster Video - will not give Peter pornography to rent, Peter vents his frustration in front of Tom Tucker, who gives him a job at Quahog 5, hosting a segment called What Really Grinds My Gears, in which he rants about things that bother him. Peter becomes extremely popular, overshadowing Tucker, who is fired after attempting to distract Peter during filming.

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Stewie attempts to be a good boy by smothering Brian with affection. Brian finally goads Stewie into reverting to his old, violent ways by crushing a spider web and eating the spider. Stewie starts drinking heavily, following Brian's way of coping. Brian attempts to cure Stewie of his alcoholism by taking him out for a night of drinking at the Drunken Clam. While drunk, Stewie crashes Brian's car through the wall of the bar. Knowing Stewie is Peter's son, Tom takes advantage of the situation and presents footage of the accident at the news station. Peter is fired and Tom is rehired as the anchor. The next morning, Stewie has a hangover and has the words "Property Of Roger Moore" emblazened on his chest and realises his lonely existence in the world, and wishes that there were someone else to whom he could relate (this person, who looks like Stewie but is an adult, is shown to the viewers seconds later checking in at a hotel in San Francisco). At the end Stewie says it is good he stopped drinking now so it would not have any repercussions later in life; then Roger Moore, shown in his mansion holding a napkin with Stewie's number on it, calls him and hangs up after one ring.
Peter buys a TiVo box for his TV - as it was mentioned he wanted a VHS Player in the previous episode but the recurring sales/insurance man deters Peter easily. Stewie spots a man in San Francisco on the news that has the same face and hairstyle as him. Stewie then believes that he may be his true father. Learning that Quagmire is going on a cross country tour in which he plans to have sex with a different woman in every state of America, Brian and Stewie hitch a ride in his RV. At a motel in New Jersey, Quagmire is handcuffed to a bed and mugged by the latest woman. Then Stewie and Brian drive off with his RV leaving Quagmire at the motel.

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Meanwhile, Peter and Lois are trying to get intimate, but are constantly interrupted by Chris and Meg. To solve this problem, Peter and Lois decide to teach the children how to find dates. At one point, Lois even advises Chris to find a girl who smokes ("Remember, if she smokes, she pokes!"). Stewie crashes the RV in the desert after going insane from ingesting an entire bottle of caffeine pills. After wandering through the desert, they find a Dr. Pepper vending machine, but they realize it was RC Cola and they do not drink it. Stewie and Brian manage to get a rental car and arrive in San Francisco. Stewie mysteriously leaves Brian and confronts the man from TV on a cable car, and is shocked to discover that the man is actually Stewie from 30 years in the future. "Stu", as Stewie's future self is called, tells Stewie that he is on vacation (people from Stu's Time prefer to take vacations in periods of time rather than places in the world). Stu reveals he cannot tell anyone about his time and leaves for his time, Stewie stows away with him. Stewie learns he will not become ruler of the world but rather "a 35-year-old Parade magazine-reading virgin". Stu passes off Stewie as a Nicaraguan boy named Pablo to everyone until Stu can send him back. Stewie learns he will also work at the Quahog Circuit Shack and still lives with Rupert, his childhood teddy bear in a filthy apartment. Disgusted with the way his life will turn out, Stewie remodels Stu's apartment and gets him to lose his virginity to his co-worker, Fran. The next day, Fran tells everyone about it since it involved only eight seconds of sex and forty minutes of Stu crying, costing Stu his job for having relations with a co-worker. Returning home, he finds that his apartment is in flames due to the stress-relieving candles Stewie put there.